Crown Chakra | Eagle | Centaury
I Value Myself.
Have you been tirelessly trying to keep everyone happy at your own expense? Eagle swoops in as a reminder to balance your people-pleasing tendencies in order to connect back to your authentic self. Often times we over-please and over-give to ensure that we are liked and seen as a good person and to stay out of the line of attack. This can lead to an inability to say no, letting everyone else get what they want, exhaustion from doing everything yourself, and worrying that you said the wrong thing or that you didn’t do enough.
Eagle brings you the big picture and birds-eye view to remind you that doing everything for everyone at your own expense leads to enabling those around you. This is the mother that over-coddles and ends up with an adult child that’s too afraid to leave the nest. Often times we enable other’s bad behavior to stay safe and on their good-side. The people-pleaser enables the narcissistic parts in others to grow, and picks up the slack for everyone. It’s easier to pretend you don’t see it than to “poke the bear.” The overly-nice people-pleaser becomes food for those who prey on kindness.
Eagle’s message is to value yourself, as it is impossible to be everything for everyone all of the time. Being obsessively afraid of people being mad at you leads to bending over backwards and ignoring your own needs to keep others happy. Pretending that everyone is your best friend will also make you feel two-faced when dealing with your true feelings behind the scenes. Let go of being the saint or martyr and remember it is more important to be an authentic and imperfect human doing your best than to pretend to be without needs, feelings, beliefs or opinions. Let eagle bring the wisdom of valuing yourself through authenticity so that others can value you too.
Key Words: People-pleaser, martyr, over-giving, fear of people being mad at you, being liked, being authentic, saying no, codependent, autonomic nervous system, vagus nerve
Bach Flower Essence: Centaury
Action Steps:
Practice being authentic rather than pleasing everyone. Get in touch with your true feelings and kindly be honest with others.
Are you afraid that if you don’t act like the saintly martyr that you won’t be needed by family, friends and coworkers? Contemplate how pleasing others can be coming from a fear of abandonment.
Did you have a domineering parent that you had to walk on eggshells or try to keep happy? Many times the people-pleaser is created from having fear of poking someone’s bear, which is narcissistic abuse.
Notice if you feel the need to overly-give through compliments, energy and attention to everyone. Be mindful and bring that energy back to yourself.
Do loving things for yourself. Find value in taking good care of your needs.
If you have been mentally or emotionally abused, you may have a habit of saying yes to avoid repercussion. Reflect on any past (or current) abuse.
Do you let your partner always decide? Practice stating your preferences instead of saying “it’s up to you.”
Notice how often you worry that someone might feel “unliked” by you and how you handle it.
Observe how often you hide who you really are out of fear of people not liking you.
Notice if you are constantly afraid of being a “bad person.” Contemplate what this means to you and how you view yourself. Do you have religious guilt? Journal all the factors around you feeling like a good person.
Remember that over-coddling keeps loved-ones from getting the lessons they need in order to grow.
Always being nice will lead to feeling two-faced behind the scenes. Practice being authentic so you show up with one face.
Make a list of ways you feel valuable to yourself and others. Observe moments when you feel under-valued by yourself. Practice finding value in just being you.
